This time of year is mostly just a haze of me asking myself “what am I supposed to be doing now?”

It tends to mess with my sleep. Normally, I tend to sleep through the night without much issue, but lately I’ve been waking up more and more.

Sometimes when I do I see a little blonde girl standing at the end of my bed shaking her head at me.

My daughter isn’t blonde.

I need to get back to work.

I dunno. Almost October I think.
It’s not October yet, is it?!

My eyes snapped open to the shout of my wife whisper-yelling for me to wake up.

What time was it? Midnight? 2am?

“What’s wrong?” I think I said.

“Get up!” Her voice was about as loud as a whisper allows.

I stood up, my mind still weighed down with sleep. “What is it?”

She was standing next to the bed, staring into the dark hallway. “There’s someone there.”

“What?” I asked. The words made no sense. I walked around to look out the door, not sure what I was supposed to see, but my heart rate knew something must be wrong.

With the sort of bravery that I only have when too tired to know better, I looked into the hall, trying to will my eyes to focus on something to make sense of it all. My wife stood in a sort of curled in stance, her arms clenched to her chest.

She was right. There was something out there. On the stairs. The words came out without my thinking about them. “It’s just the girl.”

“What?” my wife asked.

“Yeah, she’s sitting on the top of the stairs.” My mind processed the shadows and faint glow from the nightlight in the bathroom. Just behind the railing, the small form of our daughter appeared to be siting at the top step, looking downstairs. But why? Did she think it was morning and that we were downstairs? Too tired to go down there herself? . Weird, she normally just came into our room when she woke up early. But sometimes she does strange things. She’s my kid after all. I can’t exactly throw stones.

I walked into the hall, more confused than scared. I already knew it was my daughter, what was there to be afraid of?

Except, as I walked to the railing…there was nothing there.

A shoulder bag the girl used for toys hung from the railing. But that was all.

How could that be all? That’s not what I saw.

I looked, and my daughter was still asleep in her bed. My wife still stood in our room, arms still at her chest, shaking. It had hit something deep inside her.

I hugged her. “It’s fine, it was just the bag.”

She shook in my arms.

We went and checked all the doors. Locked, just as they had been when I checked before bed.

Sleep didn’t come easy after that.

It was just a trick of the light…but how had I seen what clearly wasn’t there. How can our minds betray us like that, filling in the gaps with the absurd and disturbing when there was nothing there in the first place.

I was tired, that was it.

Or is there something wrong with this house?

Woke up today after the first nightmare I’ve had in…I don’t even know how long. I mean, I’ve had bad dreams. You know those dreams where you’re just too deep in them? And when you wake up you can’t shake them? I’ve had plenty of those, but I can’t remember the last time I actually had a nightmare.

I woke up to that soft pitter patter sound on the roof. The sound like a hundred squirrels running overhead that takes you a second to realize it’s raining. Except it wasn’t raining…

I couldn’t shake that dream. I could see it, but I couldn’t put it into words.

So I figured I’d use up the rest of the Costco pork loin I bought by making pulled pork.

Yeah, I know that the fat content isn’t ideal and I should have used a pork shoulder, but I didn’t have a pork shoulder and I like to prep my meals well in advance of the week when I can.

Plus, pork loin at Costco is so damn cheap for like 10 pounds of pork. And if you know how to cut it up, it’s a huge money saver! Here’s a great blog about it. Not mine, but very enlightening. Plenty of videos on YT as well.

Anyway, with pork loin I like to use Jamaican jerk seasoning. I tend to overcoat it, since I’m going to cook it until I can shred it and the spice will mix in. Use your favorite, this is just the bulk stuff that I found on Amazon, it’s a pain trying to find it in the store. Not as good as homemade, but it’ll do in a pinch.

I threw it in the smoker at 275 (pretty sure my smoker only gets to 250F, but that’s fine, I wasn’t going anywhere anyway. It did end up raining. I took a bath after lunch. It was nice.

I basically treat pork loin like I do a pork shoulder. Most of which is gleaned from Aaron Franklin’s Masterclass. Highly recommend! Few things are more enjoyable than listening to people talk passionately about their passions. Gordon Ramsey might be mean on certain TV shows, but he literally bounces with joy when he is cooking.

The first three hours I just make sure to keep woodchips and smoke going (I used Applewood this time, I think the sweet works with the Jamaican rub). After that, I spray the loin every hour or so with apple cider vinegar in a spray bottle to cool the outside while the dense loin come ups to temp. You could use beer or water or whatever. Or not at all. Do you.

Once the fat cap splits (after about 6 hours or so, I think mine was closer to 7 because of the temp), I spray again with vinegar, then wrap in foil (not expensive butcher paper, since I want the moisture) and wrap in tin foil, plenty so you can get a few layers. I overlap two pieces about three to four feet long. Lay it reflective side up so it doesn’t reflect the heat.

A couple hours later I’ll use a probe thermometer to see if it’s gotten up to 205F (shredding temp). Note, I forgot to take a picture when I checked the temp, don’t unwrap, just poke a small hole you can reuse if needed. I know the angle makes it look small, but the loin is about three pounds pre-cooked.

Like I said, 205F is the goal for shredding, I assume a little over is fine, I’m an imperfect person. Like my nightmare. We were all playing a game where we had to close our eyes, and when we opened them, everyone was missing body parts, fingers, limbs, etc. We also had surgical scars. Limbs were removed, but not lost, they were put inside of us and sewn up…

Here’s the money!

Because pork loin is a leaner meat, it can seem a bit dry, especially compared to pork butt/shoulder. I don’t add a sauce to this, but I bet a Caroline-style vinegar based sauce would be awesome. Instead I use an old recipe I found with equal parts mango and avocado. Add the juice of half a lime, salt, and pepper. Boom. I think the recipe included red onion, but I don’t like red onion much since it tends to overpower the other flavors. Only problem is that evidently it isn’t mango season right now, so I’ll be trying canned mangos from Target.

I can’t stop thinking about the look in the Albino’s eyes when he realized where his arms were…

Well, definitely not mice/rats. Not sure if I’m relieved or not.

Not quite sure what this is going to be yet, but figured that if weird shit is going to be happening around me, maybe it’s best to get some context and documentation.

Evidently, being a horror podcaster doesn’t come without it’s…challenges?

Anyway, slept like shit last night. Could have been too much pizza. Could have been general anxiety. That little voice in the back of my head telling me all the things that I forgot to do during the day.

Of course, that little voice never used to have a Southern accent. Maybe he didn’t, but whenever I hear a recipe for red beans and rice, I always think Southern. He recommended using a smoked ham hock though, so he can’t be all bad.

Woke up with an urge to cook something. Had some extra chuck roast in the freezer from the last time I tried to make poor man’s burnt ends (called that because it uses chuck roast instead of brisket, much more affordable option, especially if you shop at CostCo). So I thawed that out and used the following recipe:

• ~3 pound chuck roast (I think it was a little less, marbeling wasn’t great, but not horrible)

• 1/2 cup BBQ sauce (I used Aaron Franklin’s recipe to make homemade, it doesn’t burn as easily as store bought, but I like Famous Dave’s in a pinch)

• 1/4 cup brown sugar

• Basic Rub (use your favorite, I combine about a quarter cup of each and use a shaker container to have around)

  • 1 tablespoon coarse Kosher salt

  • 1 tablespoon 16-mesh black pepper (not required, I just have it for other recipes, coarse black pepper is fine)

  • 1 tablespoon garlic powder

INSTRUCTIONS (note: I have a Masterbuilt electric smoker, good reviews, less expensive)

1. Set smoker to 275 degrees F. I use hickory wood chips for the smoke.

2. Season the roast well on all sides with rub, add to smoker when it reaches 275.

3. Smoke until the internal temperature reaches 165 degrees F (this takes about 5-6 hours, but I recently learned of something called a hard stall that can delay things, so don’t have plans). There should be a good bark on the roast (yummy bits!)

4. Wrap in either butcher paper or foil. Butcher paper is recommended, but it can be pricey, I’d recommend buying in bulk, a role at Lowe’s costs about $25. Foil is fin, but it can steam the meat and change the texture.

5. Return to the smoker until the internal temperature is 195 degrees (figure an hour or so).

6. Unwrapped and let rest on a cutting board for at least 10 minutes. Cut into .5-.75 inch cubes place in a foil baking pan. Sprinkle with 1/4 cup brown sugar and drizzle with most of the BBQ sauce, reserving a couple of tablespoons for later. Toss to coat all the pieces.

7. Place the pan on the grill, close the lid and cook for another 90-120 minutes, or until the sauce is bubbly and the cubed bits of beef are like little pieces of joy.

End result

The total time on this was about 7 hours. I’ve kept it in longer, and depending on the sugar content of the bbq sauce, you can get some really great caramelization.

Big fan of this recipe when it’s still a little too warm to make pot roast, but not so cold that I can’t use the smoker.

Wish all that banging around in the attic would stop though. Kinda messed with my concentration.